I've been thinking about the inspiration music can bring and what we would do without it. I've tried to select my top ten albums that have influenced me somehow artistically or personally. Here they are (random order):

1.Eddie Vedder „Into the Wild” OST - this is my album of the year 2008, very soulful and emotional, reminding me what is really important

2.Tori Amos “Scarlet’s Walk” - that would be... the year 2002 probably or earlier; many songs that are like a journey through different lands; I fell in love listening to them and fell out of love...

3.Nine Inch Nails “Fragile” - a powerful doze of music that goes straight through one's spine, primal in a sense and powerful; music that kills you and then makes you reborn

4.Dead Can Dance “Towards the Within” - my ultimate love , many memories connected with it; the dawn of my adult life

5.A Perfect Circle “Mer de Noms” - the year 2000 or 2001; I've listened to it countless times, it gave me power when I needed it; sensual

6.Type ‘0’ Negative “October Rust” - I fell in love again to these tunes and it still lasts; my ultimate music love number 2, erotic, powerful, rock'n'roll!

7.“Queen of the Damned” OST - a bunch of great rock/metal songs; the film is crap, unlike the book series by Anne Rice - I've always been a vampire freak in some way

8.Stille Volk “Hantaoma” - 1999... a very important year, when a lot of things changed for me; this album was my companion when discovering paganism in various forms

9.Clannad “Landmarks” - 1999 too, specifically autmn of that year; sadness and depth

10.Serj Tankian “Elect the Dead” - last year, 2007 a great musician with original style; it just kicks ass


What's your top ten and why?




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Hello everybody. How are you doing? I'm doing... strange. Not good, not bad, something in the middle. The reason for that is that I quit my teaching job 1,5 month ago and I'm still looking for a job as a graphic designer. Meanwhile I'm sitting at home, trying to take the most out of my time, but you know how it is when you're supposed to create your own routine and keep up with the self-imposed discipline. It's harder than it seems. If any graphic designers read this, I'd appreciate some personal stories of your beginnings.
Btw., I have a stock account that I've updated a bit, so you are welcome to use it:

Today I'm leaving to go to the Polish seaside for a week, so I hope to have good weather and good mood all around. All of you that are taking some time off, have fun and relax!
Here are some of the pics from the final exhibition at my school:

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Sorry for the bad quality of photos, but this place was really dark, since it used to be an old factory.

So it's a dark July day, it's about to rain. It's about to rain in me too, I'm in a stormy mood. Yesterday my holiday started (studies are put off until October, my teaching job as well since it's vacation time). I should be glad and all, but what do I do? I sleep through most of the day, and this is because the world is not a very friendly place for me today. Some disappointments... Most of these rather personal, but one includes a Polish art community called digart.pl that removed one of my works today, because it was not good enough, some moderator decided. Well, I wonder then why my graphic design teacher liked it so much... I think I'll be leaving that community, because they let a single person be a god. I'll be putting more of my works here until I set my own website portfolio. Damn, I do believe I know what I'm doing when I'm designing now, I'm not a layman anymore, I wouldn't get all these A marks at school.
Over and out for now.

Taken from 's journal.

Rules:
1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into dA search box
3) Take a deviation from the first page of results (may use ' popular' or 'newest' ) and post thumb (for subscribers) or link (non-subscribers)
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you

1. The age you will be on your next birthday: 26


2. A place you'd like to travel: Scotland


3. Your favorite place: the Tatra Mountains


4. Your favorite object: books


5. Favorite food: fruit cake


6. Your favorite animal: wolf
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7. Your favorite color: green


8. The town/state/etc in which you live: Lodz, Poland


9. Name of past pet: Pimpek


10. A dream come true: Being a graphic designer


11. Your nickname/screenname: Verine
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12. Middle name: Magdalena


13. Favorite Smell: Lilacs


14. Bad habit of yours: not finishing things (I searched for "unfinished")


15. Your first job: (English) teacher


16. Favourite Movie: Amelie


17. What are you doing right now? Listening to music


18. Whats The Weather Like? Rainy and cold
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19. Favourite Sport: riding a bike


20. Favourite Music/Style/Band: rock/metal



I tag everybody who wants to have some fun with it.

Dusk is approaching... I'm sitting in my kitchen and enjoying my afternoon, which is, surprisingly, free. Winter holidays are a nice gift now, although it means that I'm out of job for some time, because my students are off skying or doing whatever. This year so far has been a bit "lighter" than the last one, but there were moments when I wanted to quit either studying or my job, because it was too much to handle all together. I'm sure you all know situations when you're so tired that you want everybody to go away, even those beloved ones are a pain in the ass then. Maybe I'm a loner after all. I've failed so far to find a friend or friends that I could always trust and spend time with and grow through that relationship. I'm beginning to think there's nothing like  a true soulmate. All the most important moments of life and all the experiences you are bound to truly live through on your own, but these are your riches nobody can take away from you. Ah blah I have not much to say really. Back to my tea!

I haven't been writing here for a while, so it's time for a little update.
I'm having my flat renovated, so I'm living with my mom for the time being and I tell you, I've got enough of it. When you get used to having your own space and privacy it's hard to go back. Especially when there's a lot of work and projects to do and you hear a voice nagging about doing the washing up. Anyway, just two more weeks or so and I'll be back to my refreshed and pretty flat, oh happy day.
This part of the year has been really hard for me due to all that fuss and a lot of work, so I'm looking forward to the New Year's Eve to bring me some renewal and energy. I also got caught in the pre-Christmas hype a bit. Today, without a good reason I bought a big plate with a funny reindeer on it. It's just... When Christmas/Yule/Szczodry Wieczor comes I'm turning all sentimental and emotional. Maybe that's because my family does not celebrate in a jolly mood and I've got only a few family members left. Then I hunger for great aromas, colourful lights and warm smiles. Just to change the mundane life into a fairy tale for at least a moment... Like in the damn films. Like in the 19th century.
Btw., if anybody would like to give me a present , this year I'd love to get music. Something by Tori Amos, Clannad, Loreena McKennitt, Lacuna Coil, Y. Tiersen, Lisa Gerrard or some other similar in style. Yup. Or books! I love books. Ok, off I go.








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A quarter of a century meaning my 25th birthday today. That is quite impressive, 25, wow... Mentally I stopped at about 21. However, I do have some new thoughts on life and I somehow feel a slight pressure to make my decisions on what it really is as I grow older. When I was a teenager everything was new and it exploded with emotions with every new experience. Now I'm starting to see patterns and I hope I'm not wrong about them. So here you are, an exclusive insight into Verine's mind.
Warning, this will be a long blog.

First of all, I've been thinking about the old age quite a lot. You may say that I'm a bit fascinated with the old people, because they are at a point I cannot avoid, but also they have this unique position to look back on the whole of their life. I'd like to know how to get old with dignity and how to stay active. I'm certain that in many of these old heads there is a mind of a youngster that struggles with the surprise of having an old body. Recently I've read a very good book on that topic, among others - "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Marquez. It's a beautiful story of love and passing and it wonderfully shows that love doesn't have to fade away with age, that we always have the right to have it and we can achieve it. And there is also death... I think about that quite a lot too, but not in a fatalistic way, oh no. I'm a pagan, so I know everything passes to be reborn. I'm not afraid of my death, rather of the emptiness after the death of my close ones.

Secondly, I've been trying to figure out why I draw, paint etc., why do I feel the need to do it and what aim does it have. I'm not an artistic genius, my skills are varied but not such of a master. Maybe one day they will get closer to being perfect and then... I'll be able to create a wonderful world where ever I'll be. Yes, I think many artists, especially those fantasy and sci-fi ones create, because they want to run away from our world to another, where things are deeper, more powerful. I'm a follower of a theory by J. Campbell, Eliade and others, who study or studied myth and the lack of it in our world now. There is hardly any sacrum and I believe we need it for mental balance. That is why there is also such a rebirth of pagan religions, because the religious systems popular so far have gone dry as far as mysticism is concerned. But I'll not write more about it now, because this is a topic too wide.

My other observation is that there is some range of feelings and emotions that we people can feel. We either share them through the same experiences or we can imagine how the other person is feeling. In this was we are a part of every person, who has ever felt what we have. So you are an individual, but at the same time you are a collective, you are everybody. You can recognize a smile of a girl in love, because you've had the same smile on your face. In this way you are the same. I guess the feeling of being complete in life and getting closer to understanding it all comes when you've experienced a lot and been in many situations so that, as if, you can see an object- life - from all different perspectives, like a camera would move all around something. Of course you cannot experience all in one life, but you can read, watch films, listen to music. There are stories there that teach us what it is all about, I believe that when you've watched or read a great number of these stories, you'll experience a "click" in yourself, and maybe you'll not exactly understand what life is, but you'll feel it. Gee, complicated, huh?

My brain is steaming, so that's enough of homemade wisdom. Just to add, I really recommend new albums by Tori Amos "American Doll Posse" and by NIN "Year Zero". They rock! I wonder if I'll still listen to NIN when I'm 60.   You bet I will!










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Spring is back again, this is the time to be. Just wanted to change my journal to something more cheerful.

Top 10 songs I've been listening to lately:

1. Smoke city "Underwater love"
2. Einstürzende Neubauten "Sabrina"
3. Ute Lemper "The case continues"
4. Lacuna coil "Heaven's a lie"
5. Kate Bush "Running up that hill"
6. The Cure "Close to me"
7. Deine Lakaien "Into my arms"
8. Juliette and the licks "Hot kiss"
9. Rammstein "Ohne dich"
10. Kosheen "Hungry"

Check them out if you don't know them! And what is your Top 10?





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Ok, so my last journal was expressing my joy at having a cat and this one... Well, my cat died yesterday. We had to put him down because of the bad condition. After a week's time of having him I got to know that he was very sick - kidney disfunction. We've been treating him for over a month, with hope that it would prolong his life and give him comfort. We've failed... It feels unfair and sad and all that, but what can  be done... I've known him for a month and a half, but I got really attached, it was a very special creature. When close ones pass away I think it's the worst that can be. Animals and humans the same. I don't think I can learn how to deal with such...

Oh yeah, days off is what I like. Just a few of them left and then back to work, back to teaching... This isn't really what I want to do in life, not as much as now at least. I kind of develop a social phobia due to this job. I've always been a loner inside, but now I often feel pain when I have to go outside and this worries me. I basically need a long vacation far away from this mundane Polish reality. But there is good news too. First of all I have a cat. See the webcam image. It's 6/7 years old and is disabled, poor dear, lacking half of his back leg. I took it from one young lady who moved to UK and wanted to take it with her, but she couldn't because of her allergy that appeared suddenly. At first he was anxious, but now we get on well with each other. The second good thing is that I've almost finished the first semester of graphic design and I'm on the right track to being a designer in the future. There is so much to learn and so little time! Btw. check out these three ladies from Sweden. Great artists, wonderful imagination:

       








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Hello to you all in this new year. I do hope that it will be better than the last one. Or... Maybe not better, but offering more peace for the soul, mind and body. The last year was a year of achievments, I can't deny that, but it was just so damn hard, in many ways. I've made some resolutions, like drinking more water and working on art more. In general... The older you get, ladies and gentlemen, the more confused you become. At least this is the case with me. Urges and emotions dragging me all over the place. I know that others cannot always understand me, but I do wish to have soulmates close, I guess I need contact and free exchange of experiences. I have a few wonderful friends (kisses for you, girls). but we don't see each other often enough to tell each other secrets, things that need to be told, let out. So many ideas and emotions crossing my head... How the hell to stop them and grasp them, to change them into something valuable and firm... The further into the woods the thicker it gets... I wish I weren't so damn strange.








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Ten random things about me:

1. A fly has been stalking me for the last few days and I believe that it must be some messanger. It strolls on my skin and sits on the screen when I work.
2. My way to feel free in the city is driving my car at night.
3. I love cooking, but I hate cleaning afterwards.
4. Green tea is my remedy for all evil.
5. I like the smell of smoke when something nice is burning.
6. Many of my students would be pretty surprised to see what my private life looks like.
7. I often dream that I dream.
8. I prefer observation to participation, at least in the beginning.
9. I think I can read animals' emotions.
10. My best memories are these of trips with my darling.





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youtube blogging about nothing, dolls fetish, endless manga and anime fascination, brutality in the way animals are treated, nazi people, being so goth that you no longer have a sense of humour, throwing trash on the street, what's so fun about yaoi, stealing other people's works, pregnant art, some nations' ignorance about their neighbour countries... and probably many more.
I don't want to offend anybody, it's just that I don't get it, so if you can explain, please do. Dialogue is on.




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I just wanted to greet all the people who were at the Wolin/Jomsborg Viking/Slavic Festival this year and who, despite the mud, had fun and enjoyed it, whether a participant in the reacting process or those who were there as tourists. For those who are interested, there are a few photos from there in my scraps.
Not much more to say- back to work.





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Ok... So I didn't get to the art school I wanted, which feels like a failure in a way, but then... Maybe that's the fate. There are still two other that are not that good, but still good enough for now, since I don't want to waste my time doing nothing. For all of them you have to pay a lot anyway. Good I earn some (if they take me back to work after holidays) and have supportive close ones. Beside that, I'm having a really hard time finishing my MA thesis; my concentration span is unbelievably short and the heat doesn't help either. All in all, that's hell of a vacation. I'm a mess, tralala...
Best wishes for all of you, especially those who are struggling with hard stuff as well.




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Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to mee, happy birthday to me...









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Hey there. It's not that I've disappeared or doing no art at all, no no. I'm preparing for next studies, artistic this time, and I'm preoccupied with things like still life, scetches of bottles, hands and feet and that is nothing interesting enough to show here. It's just learing. Apart from that I'm writing my MA and oh boy, how I wish I would finish already. Spring can be felt, finally, and it is quite ironic that I await it from the direction of the vast cemetery I live near to. It is full of trees and quite remote, so I like to imagine it being like Ryhope Woods from Robert Holdstock's books. Those, who read it will know what I mean.
Spring hugs for you!










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