A quarter of a century meaning my 25th birthday today.
That is quite impressive, 25, wow... Mentally I stopped at about 21. However, I do have some new thoughts on life and I somehow feel a slight pressure to make my decisions on what it really is as I grow older. When I was a teenager everything was new and it exploded with emotions with every new experience. Now I'm starting to see patterns and I hope I'm not wrong about them. So here you are, an exclusive insight into Verine's mind.
Warning, this will be a long blog.
First of all, I've been thinking about the old age quite a lot. You may say that I'm a bit fascinated with the old people, because they are at a point I cannot avoid, but also they have this unique position to look back on the whole of their life. I'd like to know how to get old with dignity and how to stay active. I'm certain that in many of these old heads there is a mind of a youngster that struggles with the surprise of having an old body. Recently I've read a very good book on that topic, among others - "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Marquez. It's a beautiful story of love and passing and it wonderfully shows that love doesn't have to fade away with age, that we always have the right to have it and we can achieve it. And there is also death... I think about that quite a lot too, but not in a fatalistic way, oh no. I'm a pagan, so I know everything passes to be reborn. I'm not afraid of my death, rather of the emptiness after the death of my close ones.
Secondly, I've been trying to figure out why I draw, paint etc., why do I feel the need to do it and what aim does it have. I'm not an artistic genius, my skills are varied but not such of a master. Maybe one day they will get closer to being perfect and then... I'll be able to create a wonderful world where ever I'll be. Yes, I think many artists, especially those fantasy and sci-fi ones create, because they want to run away from our world to another, where things are deeper, more powerful. I'm a follower of a theory by J. Campbell, Eliade and others, who study or studied myth and the lack of it in our world now. There is hardly any sacrum and I believe we need it for mental balance. That is why there is also such a rebirth of pagan religions, because the religious systems popular so far have gone dry as far as mysticism is concerned. But I'll not write more about it now, because this is a topic too wide.
My other observation is that there is some range of feelings and emotions that we people can feel. We either share them through the same experiences or we can imagine how the other person is feeling. In this was we are a part of every person, who has ever felt what we have. So you are an individual, but at the same time you are a collective, you are everybody. You can recognize a smile of a girl in love, because you've had the same smile on your face. In this way you are the same. I guess the feeling of being complete in life and getting closer to understanding it all comes when you've experienced a lot and been in many situations so that, as if, you can see an object- life - from all different perspectives, like a camera would move all around something. Of course you cannot experience all in one life, but you can read, watch films, listen to music. There are stories there that teach us what it is all about, I believe that when you've watched or read a great number of these stories, you'll experience a "click" in yourself, and maybe you'll not exactly understand what life is, but you'll feel it. Gee, complicated, huh?
My brain is steaming, so that's enough of homemade wisdom.
Just to add, I really recommend new albums by Tori Amos "American Doll Posse" and by NIN "Year Zero". They rock! I wonder if I'll still listen to NIN when I'm 60.
You bet I will!
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